Devious

Recently a friend of my cousin's passed away at such a tender age. He was, unfortunately struck by lightning. & awoken me thinking there we were yesterday, under the stormy rain pouring like cats and dogs, swimming and having fun, not thinking about any consequences. Imagine one of us, however unfortunately got struck by lightning, the risk we're taking and cowardly we didn't even notice. No souls offended by the way, but what if !? What if !? Really ...

Was cycling yesterday with James around the car park and suddenly fell due to the slippery of the ground, badly I suppose. Was indeed shock at the moment, everything happened so quickly. To my surprise I got up quickly, was deeply hurt but thank God there wasn't any scars nor blood flashing. My right arm felt swollen, I can feel it and yet I'm still denying it by reluctantly admitting I was perfectly fine. Where obviously I'm not. Why am I lying !? Honestly most of the time I hold back everything up, not wanting myself to be worried by others though I must say I do appreciate your concern and help. In other the fact that I've always fall at the rink and what happened yesterday was one of the many times, guess I got use to it. Lol, total different story. There I stood up strong, or was trying to, holding all the pain back and saying I'm okay. Why is that !?

Other than that I felt terribly devastated, still is actually. I do aware that non of this are my bloody fucking business, but why do I care so much ? Both did apologize, but I find it isn't necessary to me. You guys don't have to, am not saying you guys depraved or what. Want to apologize !? Not to me but to you, yourself. ''Nothing one la'' as most people are saying nowadays. ''Why did you care so much !?'' Because they're my friends. I felt useless in away, but don't ever get me wrong, I'm not being holy or what so ever. Ethical, logical thinking manner come on. But what done is done, I don't think I even want to care any more in any other way. As flouder, useless I am or feeling now, I have no idea what to do. Best way is to just let it be. I know you guys may find me being such an ass now veto something you guys did, but I'm sorry, it is what it is. I can't change the fact that how myself behave and same goes to what you guys are doing. There, fair and just. You know what ? I'm sorry, the fact that I got carried away, but underneath all that, I'm just concern and yes I deeply care about you two, same goes to the rest of y'all.

Done, you may find me pathetic if you want, permission allowed. No souls offended.